Patient Discusses Amalgam Concerns with Theoretical/ Fantastical dentist

Mr Average enters the dental surgery wondering whether his dental amalgam fillings may have contributed to his chronic fatigue syndrome. The following ensues. Strangely Mr Average is capable of holding a conversation, whereas most patients can’t string more than a few coherent sentences together.

Dentist (D): And how can we help you today Mr Average?

Patient (P): Well, since I last saw you three years ago, I have been stricken with chronic fatigue syndrome, and it has been horrible. Somebody told me my amalgam fillings may be involved in this. Could that be true?

D: Three years ago? Coinciding with the period following your last appointment you had this condition?

P: Yes, shortly after that.

D: I’ll just have a look. Six fillings, and some gingivitis. Possibly a gum infection. Mmm, that last filling has corroded somewhat. Well Mr Average it is unlikely, as backfires are quite rare, but yes as you say we have recorded cases of that condition occasionally in association with amalgam filling placement. Unfortunately we have very little way of knowing who this will happen to unfortunately, although now we take the precaution of not placing them in pregnant women, children, and we are considering banning their use in autistics. They’re hard enough to operate on as it is, we might as well ban dentistry for them, eh nurse! No, seriously now its possible that your illness may be related, however we have no way of knowing for certain, unless your doctor says you have frank mercury poisoning. What did your doctor say?

P: He took a blood, urine and hair sample, and said that they tested normal for mercury, however said that this was not that important, as CFS could show without mercury poisoning. He said that ‘candida infection’ could be associated with this condition, and that I appeared to have it. Then he said that there were multiple other associations between CFS and amalgam, including some kind of electrolysis in my mouth, gum infections, dental work leached with metal, and not understood oral infections. He said he didn’t know, but if I wasn’t sure, I should see you about having the taken out. But he did warn me that it was rarely a dangerous procedure. He said if we took them out he could then do a ‘DMPS challenge’ to see if there really was any mercury poisoning, but warned that this was only one test, and not conclusive.

D: Yes, you have a good doctor there. Well given your history, there is a slight chance you may be a candidate for amalgam illness, and if you agree, it probably is advisable to remove them, given the time association and the other factors you present. I should warn you that very rarely it seems that amalgam removal might lead to multiple sclerosis or motoneurone illness- that is what Stephen Hawking has- but we can follow certain precautions to minimize that risk. We can take them out in a certain order, and your doctor can carefully chelate you, but only after the final removal. I am happy to start today if you like, and I think it might be advisable as you suggest. Don’t get your hopes up though, while we have seen CFS patients completely cured, reportedly more than just by chance, many patients experience no change, or even deterioration, in their condition. Shall we proceed?

P: (pale) Yes please, I think.

D: ok, open wide. Nurse, galvanic probe please ... ok, in order ... left top ... right bottom ... right top, left bottom I think. We don’t know why, but it seems from experience that if we pull out the fillings in order of the charge that they carry, it seems to minimize backfires. Also, we only operate on one side of the mouth in a day.

P: Aarge?

D: Yes, the fillings are metal, and so they can carry electric charge. This is called oral electrogalvanism. If a gold filling say, is next to an amalgam, or titanium, then current can be produced that can corrode a filling, and I notice that your most recent is corroded. The same effect drives your car battery, and occasionally makes aircraft fall out of the sky when the metals rot. Some of our fillings with a high copper and different metals have had more of this problem, but we have addressed that. Some patients report getting sick around electromagnetic fields, and we think it may be related to this phenomena, although we are not sure. Its quite complicated, we need to sit down with the physicists or engineers. We’re not certain about this effect, although we would like to investigate it. (Nurse smiles wistfully)

P: Oi et ick a uh ompuda. (phutt- spits)

D: Well maybe you are ‘electrosensitive’. More often than not that goes away if we remove these things quickly enough in cases of amalgam illness, which you don’t definitely have by the way.

P: iz I’t egpen’ive?

D: No, I only charge $100 a filling, why should I charge more? Well perhaps I should actually, I am being exposed to more mercury vapor than usual, but I guess that is my debt to society. I am well enough paid, and I am on the board of amalgam reform, like an increasing number of my colleagues. Now hold still ...

(whrrr negear ng whrrr)
Nurse suction.
Rinse and spit.

Mind you, they already did try to strike me off once. Bugger em, they didn’t succeed. Right will win out I hope ... are you alright there nurse?

Now, one more on the left today, and then the right side we will schedule for next week.

(whrrr negear ngere nyear whrrr)

there next one out. Hold still. Now wait there while this sets ...

So, after the final one comes out in three weeks or so, we will need to set you up with an experienced doctor to check you for chelation. It’s a little bit tricky really, sometimes it works, but chelation really seems to be a tricky medical issue for the doctors. You should have one who is knows what they are doing. I will set you up with a well meaning doctor I know who won’t charge you into bankruptcy or totally stuff you around when it counts. For your candida, she will probably suggest trying a special diet, and certain lifestyle changes, certain chemicals to avoid, and you probably need to beware of antibiotics. It seems they may make amalgam illness worse, maybe by interacting with mercury in your intestines. We work hand in hand with the doctors now you know (nurse sniggers). That is a serious illness you have had. We are on the way to collecting rigorous statistics on the amalgam involvement and risk factors. We are also isolating at risk individuals. (Nurse falls on the floor laughing) Nurse, stop that. Our organizations in a proactive fashion want to- Nurse please- get to the bottom of this and- Nurse that’s enough. I’m going to have ask you to leave, take the afternoon off with pay! (N: he ha ha he ... nurse disappears out of the office)

As I was saying, we’re cutting back the implementation of these, and running all the aged chronies out of their entrenched positions within the profession. We’re working to improve plastic for back teeth- no we really are actually, and we’ve set up a cooperative subcommittee with the medical board to address this issue (roof falls off building). That’s a bit draughty. The state has set aside $3 million to deal with this over the next four years, almost as much as our profession’s advertising budget, as this is a problem with our most common procedure. We also have hospital researchers looking into EMR sensitivity. Shortly we’ll be setting up a public education campaign. I hope that you are one of the ones who this removal will assist, and apologise that nobody’s methods are perfect and we couldn’t have had the flexibility to deal with these concerns sooner. Reception will give you the bill as you go out now, but future patients by the way will benefit from a professional voluntary fund to cover such costs, and medicare will cover all such required chelation and toxicology as it is their moral responsibility to do so- Nurse, haven’t you left yet? Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get checked in for the afternoon to Sunny Waters for my afternoon stay, its part of the conditions of my dental board settlement.

P: (picks his way through the rubble)